After a while, strange things started showing up on the Crafty table…things like bottles of clam juice or what looked to be items from the International aisle that no one ever bought…ever.

If you’ve ever sat through credits at the end of a film, maybe you’ve noticed titles such as Best Boy Grip, Key Grip, Dolly Grip, etc. and wondered, what the hell is that?

Lock it up: The A.D.’s will call this before the director is ready to shoot. It’s the P.A.s’ cue to start getting everyone quiet and to stop foot traffic.

The most important skill you need as a P.A. is likeability. If you have to spend 14 hours a day, five days a week with anybody, you’re going to make sure you hire someone you can stand for that long.

Aside from grave fires, I’ve seen semi trucks flip end over end, a building explode, streets transformed back to 1933, cars blown up, crashed through buildings and driven into rivers.

I was 16 and searching for a position for my then dream job: a cabin boy on a tropical cruise ship.

I flipped out when I turned 25. “I’m a quarter-century old," I hyperventilated. "A third of the way to being dead!”

Tom Jones had the swagger in his voice, but Neil Diamond was a bit more of a renaissance man. While Tom Jones seemed to spend most of his time on a Vegas stage dodging panties, Diamond was singing duets with Streisand at the Grammys and starring in “The Jazz Singer.”

It IS possible to have a houseful of friends gather around something other than the silver bullet steel of a cooling keg. Like, you know, a table.

The aging process is supposed to prep us for the final outcome, but it’s scary at times and a bit uncomfortable throughout—like a colostomy with partial sedation.

From roundhouse kicks to pay-per-view and Latin slander and Qdoba burritos, here is what our readers recollect about the most notable (and usually only) fight they’ve ever been in.

It’s impossible to have an issue on fighting without a sidebar on the best fight sequences on film.

I may be an anachronism in my affinity for physical altercation.

Remember: a good swift kick to the nuts is winning, not cheating.

I will sometimes reflect on my situation, my 200 pounds of excess, and shamefully wonder "How did I let it go this far?"

This diet promises to give you clearer skin, shinier hair and stronger nails, but drinking nothing but sugar water for two weeks will surely make you constipated.

If you are older than 21, quit trying to buy the cheapie low-rise jeans from the Juniors section.

As it turns out, many outfitters can hook you up with everything you need to make your car bounce, shimmy, and even drive on two wheels—who hasn't wanted to do that?

The 21st century's way of window shopping with a $20 cover charge.

The answers were peppered with a lot of swears, and some were so embarrassing that we listed the respondents by their middle name.

Contrary to popular opinion and the beliefs of dubious politicians, we're complex people that are just itching to punch you in the mouth with knowledge and opinion.

Q: Are there moose (meese) everyone?

The rush created by immersive interactivity unrivaled in any other aspect of life fuels the popularity, obsession and outright addiction for video games.

The Dark Ages (1982-1984): The market was saturated with awful consoles and over-hyped, low-quality games. This sparked a run on arcades that led to the crash of the video game market in 1983. Offering games on floppy disks, the Commodore 64 became one of the highest selling PC's in history.

Anything Jason played in his car cassette player, I loved. Not because I loved it, but because Jason did—that's how much I idolized my older brother's best friend. And today, Jason was playing Weezer.

A teacher's goal in a parent/teacher conference depends on the type of parent that awkwardly sits in the student desk in front of them.

Few times as a child do we feel as impotent as when we're dangling from that wretched metal bar while our coed classmates look up at us first expectantly, then pityingly.

Maybe your BG is genetic as, like your parents, you don't have an athletic bone in your body (or if you just snickered at the word "bone")…

When the monthly school menu was distributed, I got to circle three days: Pizza Day, Nacho Day, and Spaghettios + Bread Roll Day.

Picture day arrives, but you don't realize this until you pass the auditorium on your way to class and see a mess of spotlights, black umbrellas and professional-looking people. Your heart sinks when you also realize you're in a No Fear or Looney Tunes t-shirt because your parents inevitably forgot to dress you in the tasteful pre-determined outfit that matches your selected background...

Everyone remembers the little black comb we received, raked through our tangled hair then discarded on school picture day, but tracking down the history of the portrait:comb union was an amateur investigative reporter's worst nightmare...

Everybody gets a date to their senior prom. It's just a fact. No Hollywood dramatization of high school life has ever included a kid that didn't go to prom. And they would never lie. So as April blossomed into an opportunity for me to make a lame metaphor, we all set our sights on the girl that we would bring to the big dance. It seems we may have overestimated our abilities...

Once the ticket takers finally showed up, Eric and I formed the front of the line. Tickets were $15 for couples and $10 apiece if you were going as a single. They sold us the couple's rate. Since we were in the front of the line, people seemed to take notice of this development...

Cell phones, homelines, voicemails, emails, text messages, pagers, letters, blogs, IMs, web cams, MySpace, Facebook, online gaming and now this column - the constant barrage of new...

Reflecting on my journey as a music enthusiast being raised in the Midwest, the road bobs and weaves through genres, girlfriends and radio stations. Whenever I hear Foreigner, REO...

Many of us twenty-somethings still eat macaroni and cheese but never experience the same euphoria we did as kids-probably because it now includes an ingredient we didn't have back then:...

The key to golf is to relax, and I'm about as relaxed as that time an ER nurse tried to administer my first (and last) ever suppository after an ill-conceived bender on Spaghettios and Pay...

As our first-ever 101 guide, we have a two-part feature on golf: the first, an expert's explanation (qualifications: belonging to a fraternity for scholastic caddies)-the second, a...

We here at semiuseful have concluded the reason we can't retain new information is because our brains are already occupied by useless (albeit awesome) knowledge fed to us in our youth.

On New Year's Eve of 1959-while everyone else was preoccupied with cheap champagne and obligatory kisses-the world was given a truly special gift/curse: Val Edward Kilmer, an infant that would…

Either ad agencies are poring through Ray Bradbury for inspiration or retired astrophysicists have been doing pro bono consulting in Madison Avenue.