Grab your super-sized popcorn and mega Cherry Coke, and don’t forget to silence your cellphone and crying baby—we’re about to be up to our elbows in craft service as we unravel the mysteries of movie-making.

Like the people I now tend to call “nutjobs,” I crashed a film set in an attempt to get close enough to Jude Law in order to convince him to leave his wife because I was the one for him. In the middle of the insanity, I spotted a crew member riding around set on a bicycle (and getting paid to do it) and knew that was the job for me.

I’ve been working in film for six years, professionally for 3.5. Translation: I wasn’t getting paid for those first 2.5 years. It wasn’t easy. I would intern for a show, and then go back to my “civilian” job until I could find another show that would let me work for free. When I started out, I took whatever job would get me on set. In the early years, I worked in the Grip/Electric Department then moved into Set Production Assisting. Last year, I made the switch to the Art Department, and now I’m an Art Department Coordinator. I’ve worked on small shows (Lonesome Jim, Asylum) and big shows (The Dark Knight, Eagle Eye, Public Enemies), and I did a 9-month stint in TV (Prison Break).

Working in film is crazy. Seriously, it’s crazy. It’s a job of extremes, and you have to be somewhat of a hard-ass to stick with it. We work doctors’ hours, but most of us don’t make doctors’ pay. A 12-hour day is standard, but if you’re a P.A. count on a 14-hour standard. My longest day was around 21 hours, and I wasn’t getting paid.

I’ve worked in all kinds of weather conditions: torrential downpours, snowstorms, hurricane-grade winds, blazing heat, stifling humidity. My coldest day was -20 degrees (Fred Claus, Chicago 2007) and my hottest was around 105 degrees (The Promotion, Chicago 2006).

Some parts of the job are consistent—like duties and responsibilities—but some things change daily. On set, you don’t go into work every day at 8 a.m. One day your calltime could be 6 a.m., and the next day it could be 9 p.m. You’re also not necessarily going to report to the same location each day. If you’re shooting on a sound stage you will, but not if you’re on location. I’ve worked in hospitals, forests, a prison, a graveyard, mansions, decrepit houses and trailers, schools, a quarry, malls, office buildings, parking garages, at farms, lakes, in big cities and in the middle of nowhere.

One of my more memorable location experiences was on a horror film in South Carolina. We were shooting nights in a graveyard. On this particular night, we were filming an open grave that suddenly bursts into flames. I never thought to ask at the time (or maybe I just blocked it from my memory), but I don’t know how we got that grave (i.e. if we rented the plot or not). I do know that some of the surrounding graves were real. At call time, it was cold. A few hours in, it started to drizzle, then rain. As the temperature dropped, the rain turned into freezing rain. The conditions were pretty miserable, but we had so much fun that night. All the little things made the entire situation ridiculous, but I was with a bunch of people I really liked…that and I LOVE fiery graves!

You definitely get to see some pretty amazing shit on a film set. Aside from grave fires, I’ve seen semi trucks flip end over end, a building explode, streets transformed back to 1933, cars blown up, crashed through buildings and driven into rivers. I’ve seen people hanged, stabbed through the heart, set on fire and get their heads hacked off.

It’s fantastic! So if you’re considering a career change and can handle long hours day or night, standing on your feet and/or waiting around for very long periods of time and any & all weather conditions, then a career in film making could be perfect for you!